IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

Silhouette of a man chasing a smiling sun over hills with a sad face behind, symbolizing the pursuit of happiness over sadness

Absence of light is darkness. The moment light appears, darkness vanishes. The relationship between light and dark is absolute—one ends when the other begins.

But happiness and sadness don’t share that kind of neat polarity. Happiness is not merely the absence of sadness, and sadness is not automatically present when happiness fades. In the realm of human emotions, the duality model breaks down. These states aren’t two ends of the same stick—they exist in separate dimensions, overlapping, diverging, and often coexisting in unexpected ways.

So what exactly is happiness? Is it a fixed, achievable emotional destination? Is it an abstract ideal? Or is it something far more fleeting and elusive—something we chase but never truly capture?

Let’s take a step back and examine the very premise: why are we always in pursuit of happiness?

The myth of duality: Happiness vs Sadness

If darkness disappears with light, should sadness disappear with happiness?

Not quite.

Try answering this: Is the absence of happiness the same as sadness? Not necessarily. Sometimes we feel numb, neutral, or simply ‘okay’—neither happy nor sad. Other times, we feel both happy and sad simultaneously. A mother crying at her child’s graduation might feel overwhelming pride and deep nostalgia at the same time.

These emotional layers reveal the inadequacy of language in defining the human experience. Emotions are not bound by grammar. They refuse to be slotted neatly into antonyms or opposites.

In fact, the duality concept often fails to capture what we really feel.

So, if sadness isn’t the opposite of happiness, what is?

Perhaps the more important question is: why do we insist on defining emotions so rigidly?

Maybe it's because we crave certainty. By labeling happiness as the opposite of sadness, we assume that by avoiding sadness, we must be heading toward happiness. But that’s not how emotional well-being works.

Is happiness an abstract idea?

At first glance, happiness might seem like an abstract concept—something vague and open to interpretation. We speak of it in lofty terms, referencing it in poetry, religion, philosophy, and popular culture. “Follow your bliss.” “Do what makes you happy.” “Live happily ever after.”

But upon closer inspection, happiness is anything but abstract. It’s deeply personal. It’s tied to specific moments, sensations, experiences, and memories.

Ask yourself: when was the last time you felt truly happy?

Try to recall that moment. Was it when you received a promotion? Hugged your child? Watched the sunrise from a quiet hilltop? Heard good news after a long wait?

Whatever it was, chances are it didn’t last long. Minutes, hours, maybe a couple of days at best.

That’s the nature of happiness—it’s temporary and situational. It flickers in and out like lightning in the sky. It’s real, but it’s not permanent.

The mirage of sustained joy

Now comes the deeper truth—one that might shake the foundation of your emotional beliefs.

Happiness, as we often chase it, is a mirage. A myth dressed up as a milestone. We believe that once we reach a certain goal, we'll be happy. That once we marry the right person, buy a bigger house, earn more money, lose weight, or become successful—we’ll finally experience continuous, uninterrupted joy.

But that never really happens.

Why?

Because sustained happiness is a fantasy. Even when you reach a peak moment—say, winning an award or achieving a lifelong dream—the emotional high is usually short-lived. Soon, a new desire takes its place.

It’s not that happiness is a lie—it’s that it was never meant to be constant. It was never designed to be our default emotional setting. If anything, we’re biologically wired not to remain perpetually happy.

Hedonic Adaptation: The treadmill of emotion

Psychologists have a term for this emotional reset: hedonic adaptation (or the hedonic treadmill). It’s the idea that no matter what happens in our lives—positive or negative—our emotional state eventually returns to a relatively stable baseline.

Win the lottery? You’ll be ecstatic… for a while.

Lose your job? You’ll be devastated… but not forever.

In both cases, the intense emotional reaction will fade, and you’ll settle back into your familiar emotional rhythm. This is both a blessing and a curse.

On the bright side, hedonic adaptation protects us from prolonged despair. On the flip side, it also means that happiness, no matter how profound, is short-lived.

So, when people embark on a life-long quest for happiness, what are they really chasing?

They're chasing emotional spikes, not a lasting state.

Why we keep chasing

Knowing this, why do we still pursue happiness so relentlessly?

Because we confuse happiness with pleasure, achievement, or comfort.

We associate happiness with external events—graduation, marriage, success, travel, luxury, recognition. These things do bring pleasure, but they do not create lasting happiness.

Our culture reinforces this illusion. Advertising, entertainment, and even social media bombard us with idealized visions of a ‘happy life’: smiling families, exotic vacations, picture-perfect meals, flawless skin.

These manufactured ideals whisper to us, “You’re not happy yet, but you will be once you have this.”

But the truth is: there is no “this” that can grant you permanent happiness.

The real secret: It’s not about chasing happiness

Here’s a radical idea: perhaps the real secret to a meaningful life is not the pursuit of happiness—but the avoidance of sadness.

Not in a denialist sense. Not by repressing or ignoring emotions. But by creating an environment, both external and internal, where sadness has less room to grow.

Think about your best phases in life. Chances are, you weren’t euphoric every day—but you were free from persistent sadness, anxiety, loneliness, or guilt.

You weren’t necessarily "happy"—you were simply at peace. And that made life feel good.

Choosing absence over pursuit

So, what if you focused not on pursuing happiness but on eliminating the triggers that consistently drag you into sadness?

Let’s start with the simple things:

1. Cut down on negativity exposure

Modern media thrives on negativity. Whether it's the news cycle, violent entertainment, or toxic social feeds, we’re bombarded with messages that stir fear, anger, and sadness.

You don’t have to cut out media altogether. But be intentional about your exposure:

Avoid checking news first thing in the morning.
Don’t scroll social media late at night.
Skip opinionated or fear-mongering channels.

Treat your emotional well-being like your physical health. Just as you avoid junk food, avoid emotional junk.

2. Guard your mornings and nights

Your emotional state during the first and last hours of your day sets the tone for everything in between.

Try this:

Morning: Start with silence, light exercise, journaling, or a gratitude ritual.
Evening: Disconnect from screens, reflect on your day, and wind down with music, meditation, or prayer.

Make these times sacred. Avoid negativity like the plague.

3. Eliminate recurring triggers

Identify what consistently makes you sad or anxious. Is it a particular person? A job you hate? An unresolved memory?

Some triggers can be removed. Others can be neutralized with boundaries or reframing. Take conscious control of your environment.

Redefining what it means to be “happy”

Let’s stop treating happiness like a trophy. Instead, redefine it as:

The absence of unnecessary sadness
A state of emotional equilibrium
A byproduct of living intentionally and peacefully
A momentary spark, not a continuous flame

True happiness might just be that quiet afternoon with a book. A warm meal. A meaningful conversation. A nap. A long walk. A moment where you aren’t burdened by what-ifs or what-nows.

A more honest goal: Emotional Resilience

Since we can’t guarantee happiness, perhaps our energy is better spent on developing emotional resilience—the ability to bounce back, to remain steady, to process pain without drowning in it.

Here’s what helps:

Meditation – trains your mind to observe, not react
Gratitude – anchors you in what’s already good
Journaling – clarifies thoughts, releases emotion
Movement – exercise fuels not just the body but the mind
Purpose – having a reason to get up every day gives meaning, even in hard times

In pursuit of something deeper

Ironically, when you stop obsessing over happiness, you start feeling better.

Why? Because now you're aligned with reality. You’re no longer chasing a mirage, but walking on solid ground.

You begin to realize that peace is more sustainable than happiness. That simplicity is more rewarding than indulgence. That calm is more powerful than excitement.

You stop looking for happiness in milestones and start appreciating the moments between.

Final Reflection: You’ve been here before

Think back again: the last time you were genuinely at peace.

It probably wasn’t some epic achievement. It was likely something small. Something serene. A moment of connection. A time when your mind was still.

That’s not coincidence. That’s the essence of what happiness actually is—a temporary alignment of your mind, heart, and surroundings.

So perhaps we’ve misunderstood happiness all along.

It’s not something to pursue.

It’s something to notice.

IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS, then, becomes a misnomer. The phrase itself contains a paradox. Because happiness, as you now see, isn’t meant to be hunted like prey—it’s meant to be witnessed when it appears, and respected when it fades.

Stop chasing. Start living.

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Are you ready to break free from the cycle of of duality? Begin today and transform your life!

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